Up, Down, and All Around
by Alasia Moonstalker
Summary: Anne somehow ends up with the minature version of Isengard in her basement. What happens when she has to deal with Saruman, Grima Wormtongue, Orc armies, Ents and various Fellowship members?
1. Isengard Unleashed

**"Up, Down, and All Around"**  
_Author_: Alasia Moonstalker  
_Legalese_: I don't own anything LOTR, I do however, own everything else in the fic.  
_Genre_: Humor/Parody  
_Rating_: PG  
_Summary:_ Anne somehow ends up with the minature version of Isengard in her basement. What happens when she has to deal with Saruman, Grima Wormtongue, Orc armies, Ents and members of the Fellowship?

**Up, Down, and All Around**  
_Chapter One: Isengard Unleashed_

Anne Crawford stared at the sight that lay before her. Five months ago she'd been asked what she wanted for her birthday and for Christmas this year - she'd said immediately that she wanted first edition copies of the Lord of the Rings. Her brothers, Aaron and Adam had looked at her like she'd gone nuts, so in return she'd told them she'd settle for a piece of Middle-earth. She'd nearly forgotten about the whole thing until two weeks ago when Aaron had called and said they had her birthday present and it would be waiting for her when she got home. She hadn't really thought twice about it and gone on her merry way.

Two weeks away on business and she comes home to a whimpering chocolate and tan coloured Cocker Spaniel puppy, busted pipes in the hall bathroom, water trickling all the way down the the bathroom, the carpet ruined and the lights on in her basment. The basement itself was big enough to make a comfortable one bedroom apartment out of, so it was no wonder they'd managed to fit IT into the room. How they had gotten IT in there was the question.

Anne had walked down the stairs with her purse over one shoulder and Bandit (the dog) on her heels. Her purse had fallen to the floor promtly and her jaw dropped open. Well, they'd definately gotten her a piece of middle earth. Somehow her twin brothers had managed to get thier hands on a minature set of Isengard. The minature version they used in the movies for all the full scale tower shots. She blinked and stared a little. Right now it seemed that Saruman the Many Coloured was getting down with his bad self as Isengard was at the height of it's very short stint as an evil Orc manufacturing plant.

Anne spun, sprinted up the stairs and to the phone, punching in a number she knew all too well. Her brothers had an apartment of their own and they tended to party like school boys on the weekends - as it was sunday morning they'd both be at home with massive hangovers - prime targets for her wrath.

"Hullo?" Someone asked groggily and Anne growled. "Anne?"

"You bastards."

"Find your present?" Adam asked after picking up the other phone.

"Yes."

"What? You don't like it?"

"Adam, it's Isengard."

"It is?" Adam asked, sounding painfully confused as he rubbed his head. "It's a piece of Middle-earth, what's wrong with Isengard?"

"It's not so much Isengard as the fact that the version you gave me is in the middle of trying to destroy the world!" Anne shouted heatedly as she marched up the stairs the check the damage to her pipes in the bathroom, she stopped. "Adam, please tell me you didn't leave my bathroom sink on."

"I didn't..." Adam trailed off.

"AARON JACOB CRAWFORD!"

"Ow! What!" Aaron had sat up in bed and smacked his head on the top part of his waterbed. He had answered the phone, but hadn't said anything.

"You left my sink on?" Anne demanded. "I've got a river going out the door, down the stairs and into the basement you moron!"

She waded into the room and shut the sink off. "How long ago were you guys here?"

"Yesterday morning - really early." Adam replied. Anne sighed in relief, hopefully her carpet would dry out and she would have to replace anything.

"I'm hanging up now - I don't want to see either of you for a very long time, do you understand me?"

"Yes'm."

"Yes'm."

Anne hung up and groaned before going out into the hall and pulling out the contents of her linen closet. She dropped towels on the floor and trailed them down the stairs, over the growling pool on the landing, around the corner and down the basement steps before she ran out of towels of all sizes, them she returned for the extra blankets she kept and started laying those down. She jumped up and down on the blankets and towels before leaving the area to change out of her business suit and into jeans and an ooversized sweater.

When she emerged she went to the back door and pushed the blinds aside before opening the sliding glass and digging through the laundry room out back off her driveway for wooden clothesline pins. She depsotited them in the yard before returning to find Bandit laying in the middle of the sopping items on the landing, she sighed and sat down on the bottom step, placing her head in her hands.

She had a flooded house, Isengard at the hieght of it's evil days in her basement, two idiot brothers, a thoroughly soaked Cocker Spaniel and she hadn't even been home for three hours yet. The clock chimed and she glared up at it - make that three hours exactly.

Anne groggily woke and rolled over to look at the clock beside her bed. Red numbers glowed back at her reading 3 a.m. What had woken her? She blinked sleep from her eyes and she sighed. There was a massive amount of yelling coming from somewhere in the house and it sounded like she'd left a tv on. She hadn't though, she'd gone to bed after hanging towels and blankets out to dry and left the rest of the mess there for tomorrow.

She rolled out of bed and pulled on her slippers before leaving the room and heading down to the den. She walked in, the tv wasn't on. She paused, in fact, it sounded like it was coming from the basement. She turned to the stairs and pushed open the door, clicking on the light to stare down into the room. It seemed to have its own light even as she stepped down into the basment. She froze, her jaw dropped open and she stared.

Isengard had, quite obviously, decided to come alive. It was daylight over Isengard, and clouds were spread over to small landscape. Anne crouched and blinked. Thousands of Uruk-hai populated the minature copy of Isengard in neat little rows banging their weapons on the ground and on shlieds, all of them yelling. It sounded like a war movie where the victors cheer in the end.

"Kill them all!"

The small voice of a man she instantly recognized caused her to lean toward the minature set and stare. On a little balcony over the field stood a mini-Saruman and a mini-Grima Wormtogue. As one the army of Isengard turned and headed for the door - or in this case the edge of the set. She stared openly as they paused at the end of the set to gather around her fuzzy slippers and stare and scream in shock as thousands of mini-Uruks stared up at the giant before them.

Anne let out a shriek and fell back onto her backside as the Uruks suddenly yelled a mini-warcry and rushed her, attacking her slippers. Swrods and spears poked through her slippers and she yelped, taking them off and dashing back up the stairs, closing the door to lean against it, heaving, eyes wide.

Adam and Aaron were so dead when she got her hands on them!


	2. Siege Mentality

**"Up, Down, and All Around"**  
_Author_: Alasia Moonstalker  
_Legalese_: I don't own anything LOTR, I do however, own everything else in the fic.  
_Genre_: Humor/Parody  
_Rating_: PG  
_Summary:_ Anne somehow ends up with the minature version of Isengard in her basement. What happens when she has to deal with Saruman, Grima Wormtongue, Orc armies, Ents and members of the Fellowship?

**Up, Down, and All Around**  
_Chapter One: Siege Mentality_

Anne sighed and stared down at her basment door with a sigh. She'd only taken Bandit out for a walk that morning after discovering a minature orc army in her basement - she'd come home to this... There was a hole the size of one of her slippers - which she was regretful to say, were gone most likely - in the door, wood chips still hanging off of and around it as Orcs poured through by threes and fours. The basement door led to the kitchen and she jumped over the river of orcs and stepped into the kitchen.

She froze, squeaked and her mouth fell open. There were orcs every where. In the cabinets (which were in various states of dissaray and destruction), in the table, the sink, the pantry. They brandished their action-figure sized wepons at her and the one standing on the edge of a plate with half-finished french toast on it howled something and pointed its weapon at her. She sqeaked and dove behind the island counter as several spears were thrown at her.

Anne blinked in time for the phone to come crashing down on her head. It clattered to the floor and she snatched it up, dialing a number quickly before holding it to her ear.

"Hello?" A groggy female voice asked her.

"Linda?"

Linda Meyers groaned and sat up in bed as something crashed on the other side of the phone. "Anne?"

"Gods, Linda!" Anne's voice sounded as she dodged a fork. "They're everywhere!"

"What's everywhere?"

"The Uruk-hai army of Saruman! Action-figure sized!" Anne screamed desperately as she looked up at a scraping sound. Her eyes widened, they were pushing the toaster over the edge of the counter. She yelped and dove out of the way, into the hall and slid across the still-wet floor to crash into the front door.

"Anne?" Linda asked, sounding concerned.

"Get over here." Anne said. "Please!"

"Anne, it's four in the morning." Linda said.

"Just come!" Anne shrilled into the phone. "And bring lots and lots of cans of Raid!"

Linda hung up the phone and groaned before climbing out of bed. Her husband made a confushed grunting noise as she walked into the closted for jeans and a sweater.

"It was Anne, Michael, she'd having an emotional break down, I'm going to go over and comfort her." Linda hissed to the dark haired lump on the king sized bed. He grumbled and rolled over - his snores commenced.

Linda proceeded to pull on her clothes and a pair of shoes before slipping from the room and down the hall where she grabbed her purse and keys and headed for the door.

"Mommy?"

Linda turned to see her four year old daughter rubbing her eyes on the landing. "What is it sweetie?"

Ashliegh looked up at her mommy. "I had a bad dream... Where are you going?"

"I'm going to see Auntie Anne." Linda said. "Go crawl in bed with Daddy."

"Okay." The little girl turned and dissapeared as Linda slipped out the door and to her silver mini-van.

"Anne?" Linda called as she entered Anne's house. She dropped her keys on the table by the door along with her purse before taking off her shoes.

"Upstairs! And stay away from the Kitchen!"

Linda glanced over to the kitchen - the light was on, there was various amounts of tv-like yelling and something crashed to the floor and shattered. Linda flinched, hoping that it wasn't one of Anne's late mother's china pieces. Linda moved to the landing and groaned as watefr soaked through her socks. She leaned down and hopped a bit as she took them off anf threw them to the door where they landed with a wet smack as she moved up the wet stairs.

"Anne, what happened?"

"Aaron left the bathroom sink on ysterday morning." Anne said, appearing at the top of the stairs. She looked worse-for-wear. Her hair piled on her head and pinned there with one of those 'jaws' clips. Her jeans were damp in various places, and the knee ripped in the right leg. Her sweater had a hole in the shoulder and she had a slightly bleeding red welt growing on her cheek.

"What happened to you?" Linda demanded.

"Saruman's fighting Uruk-hai." Anne said crossly.

"What?" Linda asked. She was rather confused. Anne sighed and moved to the stairs, grabbing Linda's arm and dragging her down the stairs and into the kitchen. Linda gaped. Action-figure sized Uruk-hai had taken over Anne's kitchen. The yelling moved up and notch and a war machine the orcs had threw a plate at them, the two women ducked and the plate shattered on the wall as Anne pulled Linda from the room.

"What in the blue blazes was that!" Linda demanded. Anne sighed.

"Aaron and Adam got me Isengard at the height of its evil days for my birthday."

"What?"

Anne rolled her eyes and dragged Linda through the basment door - which linda noted had a hole in the bottom as if someone hadf put their foot through it - and down the steps. Linda gaped. There was Isengard and whatever was left of the orcs manning the bellows or whatever they were called.

"That's not all." Anne said, pointing to the tower. "Saruman and Wormtongue are in their."

"Doing what?" Linda asked as Anne pulled her from the room, up the stairs and into her bedroom. Anne rolled her eyes as she noticed the comforter shaking. She went over to the bed, knelt and lifted the cover to see Bandit hiding under the bed. She groaned and stood, falling back onto the bed.

"I have ten thousand Uruk-hai in my kitchen and you want to know what Saruman and Wormtongue are talking about?" She asked in disbelief.

"What? You expect me to take all this in at once? I thought you were having a nervous break down!" Linda said, falling down beside Anne.

"Did you at lease bring a can of Raid with you?" Anne asked.

"You were serious about that?"

Anne groaned. "I have to kill them somehow! I don't care if I spend the next month cleaning orcs from my kitchen, I want them gone."

"Fine!" Linda exclaimed. "I'll go to the hardware store in a few hours after they open and get a few cans of the stuff."

"Thank you." Anne replied.

"Whatever." Linda said, waving a hand about in the air as another dish shattered downstairs and both women cringed. "So, explain all of this to me in detail?"

Anne heaved a sigh and started to explain.


End file.
